- Update: You’ll notice that other articles on this site are much better written. That’s because this was the first ever post I put on this blog and I sometimes enjoy looking at this post and seeing how far I’ve come in my writing. This is an exercise that I’ve discovered can help motivate you when you’re trying to learn a new skill or even something that I recommend to help you beat depression. I hope you enjoy reading this article as I do 🙂
I still remember the first date I’d ever been on in my life.
I was terrified…
I could feel this knot in my stomach as I thought about what I would say. It felt like I was suffocating as I was walking into the Panera Bread she wanted to meet at. I could swear that it took me over an hour to walk from my car to the door.
And when I got there, I couldn’t even grip the handle because my palms were sweating so much.
This was long before I had my full online dating process down, or before becoming an attractive man.
Yet there she was… waiting inside for me.
A million and a half things were racing through my mind as I finally got the door open “she’s probably not here” “I hope she’s here” “what do I say?” “what should I do?” Fuck! She’s already here waiting on me!”
She wasn’t the hottest girl in the world, but she was cute and she did say yes to a date and I was going to go for it.
The problem?
I didn’t have a clue what I was doing.
But as I fumbled my way over to her she stood up to greet me all the same. I thought to myself that I had to say something nice. Say something nice. Say something…
“HI KATIE! I LIKE YOUR FACE!”
Yes, I said that. “I like your face” was the first thing that I said to her because I wanted to compliment her. And to top it off everyone in Panera heard me.
It was an absolute disaster.
When I got home a short 20 minutes later I was depressed. She didn’t like me. She ended the date by telling me that she thought she left her cat outside and she had to go take care of him.
I didn’t know it yet, but I was on the fast track to success with online dating.
Overcoming Obstacles
When you do something for the first time, you’re more than likely going to be terrible at it.
And that’s okay.
What’s not okay is that a lot of people give up afterwards telling themselves that they’re no good at whatever it is that they’re trying to do.
Go on a few job interviews and fail? I’ll be broke for life.
Go on a few dates where you scream at her that you like her face? I’ll be a virgin for life.
And that’s simply not true.
If there’s one thing I’m thankful for, it would have to be my stubbornness. When it came to women, I threw myself out there and was battered, beaten and bruised more times than I care to even think about. The second date I’d ever been on in my life was an equally terrible time as the first. She tried to get me to buy into a scam and screamed at me at the end of the date because I said no.
But I had a vision for my life, something that I wanted and I wasn’t going to stop until I got it.
And that’s what you need to succeed with women, perseverance. It’s by far the most important thing you need to develop in life and with women. Without it nothing you do will ever work. You will fail at everything without it.
But that’s just one of the things that you need to succeed with women and in life.
If Your Life Was Amazing, What Would it Look Like?
This is something that I want you to stop and think about for a second, have you ever really thought about what an amazing life for you would look like?
I don’t mean if you won the lottery or went on a vacation or even got invited into the Playboy Mansion for a weekend. Those are temporary escapes from reality. I want you to think about something permanent.
What I mean is if you had the power to create a life that was a dream come true, hand crafted just for you, what would it look like? What would you need to get that life?
That’s the first step to getting the life of your dreams, defining what it is that you want.
Tell Yourself to Fuck Off
The brain is amazingly powerful, but it likes to take things easy and stay in your comfort zone. Change is scary and unpredictable. You may not like where you are in your life right now, but your amazing life that you just defined is unrealistic. Only special people can do that and you may even tell yourself that you’re not that special.
It’s not true though. That’s your brain trying to protect itself. It doesn’t want to feel the sting of failure. It doesn’t want to be let down and it will try to keep you where you are at right now. It’s going to throw every possible excuse at you to stop you.
You’re going to have to tell yourself to fuck off. Your amazing life is something that you want and it’s something that you can get.
Human beings are by far the most special animal on the planet. The reason is because we have the ability to change and adapt. We have the ability to create whatever it is that we want out of life.
Think about it, just 100 years ago 90% of what we have and do now would have been considered crazy! How far our technology has come in just 100 years astounds me. It’s also the biggest piece of proof to me that, as a human being, I am one of the most dominant beings on the planet. If I want it I can go get it.
You can too.
Because what’s crazy today is common place tomorrow. Nothing is impossible. You just need to…
Start Small
The way to start towards your amazing life is to prove to your brain that you can do it. The brain works off of proof.
If you don’t have proof that you can do something then your brain is going to tell you that you’re full of shit. That’s why all of the feel-good messages fall short. You need something that you can act on.
My amazing life included success with women. I very clearly wasn’t there yet, and I didn’t bother trying to lie to myself.
My brain would tell me that I couldn’t do it. And it was right, I couldn’t at that time. But it was something that I had gotten better at. I went from never going on a date to going on two dates within a month of each other!
It’s not much, but it was progress. It was concrete evidence that I could give myself. Sure, I wasn’t there yet; but I had the potential to be and the proof was that I had now gone on two different dates.
I had completed one small step, and I could get there. I would get there and no amount of Katie faux pas or screaming, scammy cougars were going to get in the way of my amazing life.
I was starting to develop a game plan.
The first step was to get women to agree to a date. I was finally starting to understand that process.
After that I just needed to start doing better on the actual date. Not yelling at women would probably help.
That’s what you need to do, build a game plan and get some examples. A game plan will give you more than just a structure to follow, it will give you confidence in yourself.
Build Confidence
What is confidence? One of the definitions from Dictionary.com says this:
“A feeling of self-assurance arising from one’s appreciation of one’s own abilities or qualities.”
At this point in my life I had no confidence, according to this definition. That’s because I had no abilities when it came to women.
The good news is, is that there are a lot of people that start out completely awful with women. Yet, today they enjoy an abundance of women in their lives.
That’s because learning to get better with women is a skill. Skills are something that you have the ability to work on and get better with. Getting better with women is a skill that you have the ability to work on.
That’s why confidence is such a turn on for women. It’s self-assurance in yourself. Therefore, confidence is also something you have to work on while you’re working on your skills with women.
The good news, is that building confidence is simple. It’s not the easiest thing in the world, but it is simple.
Another way to read the above quote about confidence is this: confident people are competent at what they’re confident in.
If confidence is self-assurance in your own abilities then if you’ve taken the time to build your abilities then you will be confident.
“That’s easy enough to say, but how do I do that!?”
Start with a game plan, a vision. Think about what your own personal amazing life would look like. That’s the end goal.
Now what do you have to do to get there?
Keep Moving Forward
-Alexander