- Note: This post is a continuation of how to take advantage of the Law of Attraction post series
What is this super simple life hack that you’ve been promised? It’s one simple question (which we learned how questions can supercharge your life here).
And that question is this: what do you want?
Do you want more friends, more business opportunities? Or do you want to find out what traits in men women lust for?
Seriously, have you ever sat down and thought about this in depth? Have you ever asked yourself “What do I want?” And that doesn’t mean what your plan is, or what you should be doing (especially not what you should be doing). Neither does that mean what would make the people around you happy for you to do.
AND FOR FUCK’S SAKE IT MOST DEFINITELY DOES NOT MEAN WHAT SOCIETY WANTS FOR YOU. Because honestly, fuck what society wants. Society can go fuck itself.
No.
None of those are the question. The question isn’t about anyone else. It’s all about you. Let me repeat that: the question is all about you and what you want for yourself. The question is: what do you want?
What Do You Get Excited Thinking About?
Chances are there’s at least one thing that you enjoy doing, something that you would love to get better at and become successful with doing. Something that you get excited while thinking about. Something that you get lost in daydreams while thinking about. Perhaps it’s the truckload of commas and zeroes in your bank account that gets you excited. Maybe it’s all of the women that will come courting once you’re successful.
Then again, maybe it’s just doing the thing that you love doing that makes you excited and all of those other things are just nice-to-haves. Either way, do you have at least one thing that seems like a far-fetched dream that only special people can have? Something that you yourself could never have or achieve?
Why is it that only special people can have it? Why can’t that happen to you?
Are these make-believe people somehow better than you?
They might be better than you at certain things, but I seriously doubt that they’re better than you as a person.
That’s because we all have different talents and skills. There are some things in life that we are good at and things that we suck at. Some of which we wish we could be better at. It’s the same for everybody, even you, me and these make-believe people we all end up comparing ourselves to. Dreaming about having what they have.
Then again, maybe you’ve not truly thought about this.
To be honest, I never thought about this until just a few years ago. I was so divorced from who I was while battling depression and what I wanted that I couldn’t figure out up from down when it came to my own desires. If you’re in the same boat, then don’t worry. Today we’re going to look at a technique on how to get back in touch with what you want (whereas the other posts in this series are focused on getting what you want).
The Simple Life Hack That Makes Life Simple
Ask yourself: “What do I want?”
Do this multiple times throughout the day for different situations you run across. And do this for the bigger decisions that you come across in life.
Here are a few examples:
- Do you find yourself bored in a certain moment? What do you want in that moment? Maybe you want a sandwich, maybe you want to get up and walk around. Perhaps something else entirely pops into your head.
- Or whenever you’re faced with a major life decision; try to think about what kind of life you want to live
- Does whatever this big decision is help your goals or hurt your goals?
- Once you have that answer, the correct answer (though not always the easy one) becomes much more obvious to us
But now you have your answer. And now you can go do whatever it is that you want. Or at the very least, start taking steps to get it. Here’s another example:
What if you see an attractive woman that you want to talk to while going about your day?
Should you go talk to her?
That depends. What do you want?
If you think that she’s attractive and you would like to see if she’s single then go talk to her. If she has a wedding ring on then she probably isn’t available and it might not be worth it to talk to her (though I won’t judge). This isn’t the life hack about how to get into that, but here are two posts for you to get more info:
This Life Hack Works on Dates as Well
What if you’re with a girl on a date and you find yourself drifting? Well, what do you want? Maybe this girl is kind of boring and that’s why you’re drifting off. Is she still attractive enough to make a move on? If yes, then what you’ll want to do is steer the conversation towards something more entertaining for you or even just make your move then and there.
And if you need help with learning what to do on dates here are some more articles to help you out there:
If this girl isn’t attractive enough to make a move on, then feel free to end the date. You’re under no moral obligation to continue the date if you don’t want to. Just like she’s not morally obligated to do anything either. But don’t this as a scapegoat because something scares you. Pretty much everything is a little scary when it’s new, but my friend told me this quote (don’t know who originally said it):
Behind fear is the type of man you want to be Tweet ThisRemember that the next time that you start getting that nervous, tingling sensation throughout your body. Behind that fear is the type of man that you want to be.
Please use common sense with this though. It’s one thing to go skydiving because you want to cross it off your bucket list. It’s an entirely different thing to go skydiving without a parachute into the freezing waters of Antarctica.
What About in Relationships?
This rule of “What Do I Want?” also applies when you’ve been with a woman for a while. Example: say that you’re hanging out and she gets into a bad mood, maybe not depression level bad, but still annoying.
What should you do?
Well, what do you want?
Here’s my own personal example: I want to have fun when I’m around people. Not just women, but people in general.
Now say that someone I’m around, woman/friend/lover/whatever, who is being a sourpuss. If they’re being a sourpuss, I have a choice to make. I could join them in their sourpuss frame, or try to shake them out of it and into my fun frame.
- Note: frame is how you see the world. Think of a picture frame, how it frames a picture. Only instead of a picture this frame goes around how you see the world. So when someone says the word ‘frame’ what they’re talking about is how someone sees the world or a certain situation.
Because it would be more fun to have them join the fun frame, I should try to do that first. But eventually one of a few things is going to happen:
- They join the fun frame
- They get stuck in sourpuss mode
- Which means that I have a choice to make at this point:
- Join their sourpuss frame?
- Or leave?
- Which means that I have a choice to make at this point:
Personally, I’m going to leave. But that not be what you want to do (especially given the circumstances, see example below). Because it’s your life and you have to know where to draw the line at for yourself.
If it’s just a bad day then no big deal. Just continue the relationship as is and go back to having a good time with each other. If this kind of thing keeps happening then we each have another choice to make:
- Do they stop being such a sourpuss, or even work with me to figure out what the problem is so we can solve it together?
- Do we remain friends/lovers/whatever we are?
It’s okay to walk away from toxic relationships like this. Never be ashamed, and never allow someone to guilt trip you when you prioritize your own health.
Again, it doesn’t mean that you don’t try to work with people. You absolutely should!
Everyone has a bad day. Say for example that someone in their family dies: you don’t want to be an ass and try to force them to be happy. There always has to be some give and take (and always use common sense). But if it’s behavior that is consistent, do you want that kind of negativity in your life? Personally, I don’t. But your life isn’t for me to decide. Perhaps the benefits outweigh the negative? Something like this is a very personal choice for you to make. One that you can employ the life hack of “What do you want?” to. Because that’s the only way to get the correct answer in this scenario (or similar ones).
The Universal Life Hack
This life hack applies to more than just relationships (of all kinds, doesn’t have to be romantic). It also applies to your job/career or even as simple as how you spend your time. What if you are in a life-crushing job with a soul-sucking boss that you hate?
Well, what do you want?
Does the paycheck matter more than your mental health and happiness? Or, would it better to try and find something somewhere else? Perhaps even starting your own thing on the side, using this crappy job as a motivational boost is the way to go? Again, I cannot decide this for you. And you should never let anyone else decide this for you either.
This is your decision to make. Though just like the relationship examples above; these decisions aren’t to be taken lightly. You should absolutely take the time to sit and think about what you want for your life and what will help you make that vision a reality. Feel free to take as long as you need, just don’t get too weighed down and end up doing nothing because it’s more comfortable.
A Rule to The Universal Life Hack
This is a personal rule that I’ve adopted that works wonders. This is something that has helped me many times over to avoid ‘analysis paralysis‘. That rule is this: whenever I have a tough decision to make, and there seems to be no end to what I could do, I give myself one week to make a decision. Once that week is up, I have to make a decision. No matter what.
What I do if I have not made a decision is I take a few sheets of paper and fold them up. Then I put tacks in them and tack them to the wall. Once everything is tacked up to the wall I throw a dart at it to decide what I should do first.
Then I go and do that.
Example of The Rule in Action:
The first time that I did this I was trying to figure out what skill/hobby I wanted to do first. There were a lot of things that I wanted to do and still want to do. But that first one drove me nuts. I couldn’t figure out what to do. And I ended up agonizing over this decision for much longer than I should have. Then this idea popped into my head and I followed through with it.
It landed on ballroom dancing first and foremost.
And I’m glad it did. I ended up learning a skill that has served me well for years. I’ve met women while dancing and I’ve even made money while dancing. Not to mention the fun that dancing provides as well as the rhythm that helps in the Bedroom Olympics ;)It didn’t seem like such a life-altering decision at the time, but I was stuck in analysis paralysis all the same.
This is something that I’ve used to great effect many times and it’s something that I recommend you give a try.
It doesn’t have to be exactly what I do, but you should find a way to limit the decision making time involved.
Keep Moving Forward
-Alexander
Life Hack Re-Cap
