Wondering what to do on a first date? Need some first date advice about what to do once a woman has agreed to a date? The first thing is to relax. She said yes!
But! Make sure not to make any of these common embarrassing mistakes that MURDER your chances with this girl.
1. Texting While on The Date
Unfortunately, this doesn’t just exist in the movies. This is something that guys do even when they’re interested in a woman!
Which makes this the number one piece of first date advice:
STAY OFF OF YOUR PHONES WHILE ON DATES
There are some guys out there that prefer texting their buddies instead of charming a heavenly hottie in front of them…
Unless you’re showing her something, keep your phone in your pocket and on silent/vibrate.
If you do want to show her something, say from a cool trip or a cute animal, then here’s the first date advice on how to do it:
- Bring up the topic
- Mention that you have something related on your phone
- Show her
- Put the phone back in your pocket
There is absolutely no other reason to be on your phone while on a date with a woman. Unless you want to destroy your chances with her or for some reason need to escape the date (in which case go to the bathroom and tell someone to call you).
When A Crises Happens
Sometimes it’s unavoidable and you have to get on your phone. If that happens, instead of looking at your phone and jeopardizing your chances, just let her know.
Here’s something that happened to me:
My phone wouldn’t stop buzzing in my pocket and it was driving me crazy. After a few times I told her that my phone was going nuts and I should check it in case of an emergency.
Turns out someone added me to a group chat, so as I was silencing the group chat notifications we had a good laugh about it. That got us talking about how annoying they are and it allowed us to connect about it.
Perfectly fine, sometimes shit happens. If you’re cool about it, then she will be too.
The first date piece of advice in a situation like that is this: just tell her what’s happening, be cool about it and then put your phone back in your pocket afterwards.
Just be careful about…
2. Talking Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay Too Much
The number one date drowning annoyance for both women and men alike: when the other person talks about themselves too much.
It’s understandable why guys do this. Because sometimes the nerves get to guys and they do devastating things on accident while on the date.
Therefore, the second piece of first date advice is this: get her to talk about herself and don’t talk about yourself too much.
Obviously you will want to share some stuff about yourself too, don’t take this in the other extreme and share nothing. Because that’s another blunder that you want to avoid.
But let’s talk about why this is great first date advice to follow:
The Disastrous Dating Nightmare:
When a guy spends all of the date talking about himself it tells women that he is more interested in himself than in her.
It also prevents any sensual sirens from investing in you or the date.
One of the reasons that some people are considered so magnetic and charismatic is because they push others into investing in the conversation. They cause others to invest in the conversation, and into them.
When someone invests in you they begin to like you more. The same is true when people do favors for you and if you want people to like you then ask them to do favors for you. This is known as the Ben Franklin Effect:
The Ben Franklin effect is a proposed psychological phenomenon: a person who has already performed a favor for another is more likely to do another favor for the other than if they had received a favor from that person.
How to Exploit The Ben Franklin Effect:
What this divine psychological phenomenon tells us is this:
If you want people to feel connected to you and to love you, get them to invest in you. That means doing favors for you, telling you about themselves and anything else people are willing to do for you.
What this also tells us is that in order for us to feel connected to people and become fulfilled in our own relationships we ourselves have to invest.
First Date Advice:
But when you talk too much, you will walk away from a date feeling like you two are connected while she’s thinking about how she just wasted a half hour or more of her life.
Your number one goal when talking to women, if you want them to feel connected to you is to get them to open up to you. Be curious about people in general and you’ll make more friends as well as lovers. You should aim to learn something new about women when talking to them.
However don’t go overboard into the next mistake…
3. Don’t Beat Her With Questions: Relate to Your Dates
While you need to be curious and ask lots of questions, you shouldn’t switch into interview mode. This means that you will have to switch it up between a few things.
One of the things you can slip in to seduce her is to relate to her.
Say she talks about something that she’s passionate about. It could be anything, say she’s a passionate vegan. Now let’s say that you’re a borderline Ron Swanson.
Is there some first date advice to get this girl attracted to you?
Yes, you can still get this girl.
It’s not important that you connect with her on being a vegan (though if you yourself are a vegan it will certainly help). What is critical, however is to connect with her emotionally.
When she starts talking about how animals are super important to her, that she wants to save the planet, there’s still a chance. She loves animals and the planet so much that she can’t sit still when she thinks about it. She feels so much for everything involved about being vegan.
Even Ron Swanson has a chance to connect with her here.
Relate to her about something that you’re passionate about. Whatever that thing is.
Passionate Example:
I’ll use myself as an example, I love exploring the world around me. Adventures are my thing.
So if I were on a date with this woman, even though I’m damn near a Ron Swanson meat level eater myself, I can still connect with her. I would say something like…
That’s awesome that you’re so passionate about something like that! I know exactly what you mean, I’m the same way about exploration. I just love finding new places to roam around in.
Just thinking about a new fun place to adventure in makes my foot twitch and I can’t help but get this stupid grin on my face. I get this itch of insatiable wanderlust to just go and run around whatever this new place is. Sometimes I’ll take my camera, sometimes I get too excited and forget to bring it but it’s always a great time either way.
Not only does a statement like that give her something to relate to me with (we are each passionate about something, and passion in a man is a panty-dropper) but it also gives her something to ask me about if she wants [photography]. Or maybe I’ve accidentally hit on one of her other passions.
Doing things like this keeps you from beating the bloody bejesus out of her with questions. It also allows you to turn the conversation back to her and getting her to invest in you even more.
Back to The Stimulating Example Above:
Moving back to the above example, she may ask about photography or even launch into another story.
If she does ask about photography at that point, there are a few ways to go:
- Go into a story if that’s what is needed and/or
- Turn it back on her after quickly answering her question
Number 2 in particular could go something like this:
“I love it, it’s a true pleasure being able to bring a creation of yours to life. What about you though, do you like getting in front of or even behind a camera?”
Now there’s a new conversation piece where you can take it anywhere you want to.
From here, I could ask her to model for me sometime, tease her about her shyness or maybe find out about her secret stash of topless selfies.
When you get women to open up to you, you’ll hear all kinds of things. It can be a fun and wild ride.
This is just a single example of one of my own passions, for yours you’ll have to think about where you want to take it.
But when you start getting women to open up to you…
4. Don’t Judge Unless You Want to Embarrass Yourself
HUGE MISTAKE!!!
And another piece of first date advice that needs to be injected straight into the minds of guys everywhere.
If you judge her after she starts to open up then she’s going to start ‘othering’ you.
People like those who are similar to themselves. That means that if you judge her she’s going to see you less as someone compatible and similar to her and more as someone that is unlike her, hence the term ‘othering’.
This is also why you absolutely, should never talk about religion or politics on a first date. If she brings it up and you hold the exact same opinions, then it’s fine to connect over it a little bit but even then… I wouldn’t as it’s too risky, it’s bad first date advice.
That’s because beliefs can be so nuanced you never know when you’ll accidentally hit someone’s hot button. If you do manage to find it, you’ll never see her again.
Back to The Vegan Example:
Going back to the vegan example above, you can’t go into how vegans are sentimental dumbasses if you expect to see her again.
I don’t know about you, but my goal on a date with a woman is to eventually have sex with her. If only for a night or for the rest of my life, that’s still my goal.
If that’s not your goal, then you can go ahead and do whatever it is that you want. But if you want to see her again, it’s safer to change the subject.
That also means that if you have strong, negative opinions about certain groups of people, keep them to yourself. Feel free to talk about them when she’s become a regular part of your life.
Because you never know what someones past has been like.
Say you don’t like politicians (I wouldn’t blame you, they suck) you still can’t bring up how much they suck unless she does first. And even then, you want to choose your words carefully.
If you bring up how terrible all politicians are, she might agree with you. But there’s also the chance that she’s heavily invested into politics herself. Goes to meetings, considers herself an activist and so on.
Or maybe her dad is a hardcore politician.
If you were to start badmouthing all politicians you would also be badmouthing her dad, and if she likes her dad then she would start to hate you.
Don’t Get Ghosted
Most of the time, you’ll never know why either. She’ll just go quiet and end the date as soon as she gets the chance.
It’s much safer to just change the subject. Even if what you want is a serious girlfriend, still be careful about harsh and negative opinions.
Otherwise you will be lonely while on the search, and you might end up getting rusty and losing out on the girl you do want when you find her.
Habits are hard to break.
5. Never Touching Her Leads to a Life of Loneliness
Speaking of habits, if there was ever a habit that was hard for me to break, it was never touching women. Ever. And this is something that a lot of men struggle with.
You have to become comfortable with touch. If you aren’t yet but want to learn how to get her turned-on, on a first date then click the below picture:
Women, in general, are reactionary in the dating world.
If you freak out about something, she’s going to freak out about it too. If you’re cool and nonchalant about something then she will think that it must not be a big deal (though there are clearly a lot of exceptions, this isn’t a mind control super power).
Touch is one of those things. As long as you don’t go full creeper and try to grope her right away.
Touch is a very powerful thing, and it’s a sexy tactic to use.
Human beings are wired to be touched. Studies done on babies that are never touched, actually die! And the ones that survive have severe problems growing up. Some additional reading:
- https://www.huffingtonpost.com/maia-szalavitz/how-orphanages-kill-babie_b_549608.html
- https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/infant-touch/
- http://theconversation.com/can-a-lack-of-love-be-deadly-58659
Besides the awesome effects for both mothers and babies, it helps us with women (and is also good for us in general as people, not just as first date advice). It helps connect people to each other and also helps get her itching to dig her nails into you.
Touch Her Now or Touch Yourself Later
Once you get even the basics down, touch can be amazing! Not just for her but for you as well!
If touch is something that you’re uncomfortable with, I’ve got you covered with some safe basics. These will allow you to gradually become more and more comfortable with touch:
- Arms
- Totally cool, and a great place to break the touch barrier (the touch barrier is stands for if you haven’t touched her yet)
- An easy rule to keep in mind is if you are saying something, or she is opening up to you, touch her on the arm or the hand or possibly even the shoulder. This allows you to connect to her and get her used to being touched by you
- Lower back
- Whenever you are moving somewhere with her, or opening the door for her or etc.: touch her on her lower back
- This is a stimulating and safe spot that allows you to lightly dominate and lead her
- In all the years of dating, I’ve literally never had any woman remove my hand or even jump back in any way when touching their lower back to lead them somewhere
- Note; you shouldn’t just leave your hand there. Lightly guide her where ever it is that you’re going and then let go of her. This is a touch where you’ll touch her for just a few seconds at most. And the pressure you exert onto her is very light, just barely enough to notice
Dreadful Touching Disasters Waiting to Happen
- Don’t linger
- Mentioned above, don’t leave your hand on her for very long
- A light, firm touch is more than enough here
- Think of it like the salt/pepper to the conversation. A light boost is all you need here
- Whatever you do, do not ever look at your hand when touching her (at least in the beginning)
- This is something that will immediately collapse the seduction and creep her the fuck out
- The reason is because it’s not natural to look at your hand as you touch someone
- If you’ll watch people that are very comfortable with each other, or even with your own close friends, you’ll playfully hit each other or do high fives or possibly even a hug. But if you watch people you’ll notice that they don’t ever actually look at their hand as they touch each other
- This is also something that very clearly communicates to her that you’re not being real with her
- Because it’s so unnatural it tells her that you’re putting on an act and not being real, which is what creeps people out
- This is something that will immediately collapse the seduction and creep her the fuck out
- Don’t ‘hover’
- Hover hand is another thing that will creep women out to no end
- If you’re going to touch someone, go ahead and do it. Don’t half ass it because just like looking at your hand as you touch someone, hover hand is something that communicates how uncomfortable you are. It also tells her that this is a big deal to you. And anything that’s a big deal to you she will start to think it should be a big deal to her and it creeps people out
Handy Guide on Touching Women
Keep Moving Forward
-Alexander